But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
