Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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