it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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