At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
