I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
