Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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