Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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