I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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