Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
