In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize