I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
