"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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