god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.