I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?