1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.