I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I cut my penus on the lid.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
