my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.