You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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