fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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