so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize