I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
