my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
