i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
