Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
