I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
