he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
