So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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