just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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