i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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