Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
