Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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