WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
