:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
