1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
