1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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