no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
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He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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