I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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