bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
