When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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