If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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