Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
