speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You may now shotgun with the bride
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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