So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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