my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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