he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
