yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
