so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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