I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
