She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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