on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
