Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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