I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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