I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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