Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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