where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
