My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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