I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
