ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
