Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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