I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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