Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
is it fun? or sober?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
