and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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