Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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