paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
