I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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