He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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