I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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