I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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