Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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