i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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