the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
