dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ok first of all what the fuck
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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