she looked like the before picture.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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