put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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