Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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